So things are a touch mucked up today.
Firstly, I didn’t realize corn wasn’t allowed during the initial Whole30. When Bo found out–after eating our scrumptious dinner of steak, potatoes, onions, and corn–he got upset. Well, correction: I got upset for not having read all the guidelines better. I started crying, put myself in a corner to sulk.
Bo came in and showed how already he’s been able to use different notches on his belt. “So we messed up a little. We’re not starting over. This,” he points to his belt, “is working. We’re going to keep going. And you didn’t screw me up–I didn’t read everything carefully, either. So stop beating yourself up and let’s have a larabar.”
Now today I was doing some writing, working on school stuff….and having another panic attack? It didn’t make sense. Yet there I was, having to measure my breaths to slow my heart down. I was still getting lightheaded. The rational side of me whipped through some possibilities.
- Did I have too much coffee and not enough water? Go fill the jug and guzzle it.
- I’m in the basement. Is the circulation just that bad? Open a window.
- Our radon thing’s been off. Am I breathing something I shouldn’t be? Turn it back on.
- Are my electrolytes out of whack? Drink some expensive health store orange juice.
- Too much stress from working? But I didn’t feel stressed at all yesterday, or even this morning. I was feeling really good about a new scene I had outlined, and was hoping to get back at it after working on school stuff.
My heart’s STILL not totally normal as I type this. I was hoping writing here would help like it did last week when I was having an attack, but…well, it’s not, not all the way, at least. I managed to get an appointment with a doctor for this evening so I don’t have to drive. It means dragging the kids along, but Bo can drive and dammit, I just want to rule out something’s physically off.
So I’ll keep you posted, folks.
Prayers would be awesome.