#Whole30 #Writing Log: Day 18

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Free Fiction Has Come from the Wilds (3)

So things are a touch mucked up today.

Firstly, I didn’t realize corn wasn’t allowed during the initial Whole30. When Bo found out–after eating our scrumptious dinner of steak, potatoes, onions, and corn–he got upset. Well, correction: I got upset for not having read all the guidelines better. I started crying, put myself in a corner to sulk.

Bo came in and showed how already he’s been able to use different notches on his belt. “So we messed up a little. We’re not starting over. This,” he points to his belt, “is working. We’re going to keep going. And you didn’t screw me up–I didn’t read everything carefully, either. So stop beating yourself up and let’s have a larabar.”

 

Now today I was doing some writing, working on school stuff….and having another panic attack? It didn’t make sense. Yet there I was, having to measure my breaths to slow my heart down. I was still getting lightheaded. The rational side of me whipped through some possibilities.

  • Did I have too much coffee and not enough water? Go fill the jug and guzzle it.
  • I’m in the basement. Is the circulation just that bad? Open a window.
  • Our radon thing’s been off. Am I breathing something I shouldn’t be? Turn it back on.
  • Are my electrolytes out of whack? Drink some expensive health store orange juice.
  • Too much stress from working? But I didn’t feel stressed at all yesterday, or even this morning. I was feeling really good about a new scene I had outlined, and was hoping to get back at it after working on school stuff.

My heart’s STILL not totally normal as I type this. I was hoping writing here would help like it did last week when I was having an attack, but…well, it’s not, not all the way, at least. I managed to get an appointment with a doctor for this evening so I don’t have to drive. It means dragging the kids along, but Bo can drive and dammit, I just want to rule out something’s physically off.

So I’ll keep you posted, folks.

Prayers would be awesome.

 

 

16 thoughts on “#Whole30 #Writing Log: Day 18”

  1. Fingers crossed, really hope everything is ok. Ingredient mistakes are so easy. I remember having the most wonderful vegetable gluten free soup. Had weeks of the stuff until I found that they probably tasted so good as they were chicken and vegetable. Four weeks of a meat free diet wasted… Take care.

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  4. Anxiety is really tough, making you feel a bunch of physical things that are probably more phantom than reality because they disappear when the anxiety does. Bubbling you in a big ball of light. Don’t forget about the roses. ;0) xoxo

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  5. My partner also suffers from the occasional panic attack and I can’t say that there’s any obvious pattern, such as what triggers it, whether it’s an accumulation of little things, whether it’s down to diet, stress, anxiety about what might happen or an underlying physical cause. Hopefully for you it’ll be something simple that will clear up sooner rather than later, Jean, but that doesn’t help when you’re in the middle of it.

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    • It does help, actually. Isolation makes the anxiety all the worse. Knowing I’m not the only one who experiences these things and doesn’t die in some gas-fueled explosion (because knowing me I’ll find my way into a collision of methane and match trucks) is a damn big help. 🙂

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  6. I’m so sorry to hear it, Jean. Unfortunately, I’ve been in a similar position and had the (I think it’s called) Holter monitor for testing and that (I was fine; well, my physiological heart was fine…then). In any case, I’m equally glad you have such a supportive partner who knows how to address anxiety with you rather than pooh-poohing, minimizing, or wanting you to ‘just get over it’ (in effect), or even one who seeks a too-rational explanation when there isn’t necessarily one at that time. I saw a great graphic applicable to anxiety and depression; a character says s/he’s sad and their partner asks if they need support/comforting or if they need problem-solving. I’d never thought of it that way before, but it was all so perfect and lucid. Anyway, rambling. I’m hoping for the best for you, from the news you have at the doctor’s, so you can move forward & onward.

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    • Hey, rambling’s fine! Bo used to be like that, actually, ready to wave off such feelings because I was prone to over-react. And granted, I have indeed over-reacted. (Like when our firstborn was a baby–she had a fever of 99, and I’m freaking out that she has a urinary tract infection. I have nooooooooo idea how I leapt to THAT conclusion, but I clung to it so fiercely I was telling nurses it was the obvious issue and not, you know, a cold.) But he knew I’d been dealing with this for a while, and had seen me in the ER for it, so anything to keep us from going *back* to the ER was cool with him. 🙂

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