Certain moments promise tears.
Maybe that moment is in a story…
…or hidden within a song…
For me, at least yesterday, it came as a question.
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
Innocent enough question, right? Routine interview question from the panel, right?
Yet there I sat before the faculty, tears welling in my eyes.
I apologize for my reaction. I understand the question. It just calls me back to…well, I should be honest. It calls me back to when my children were infants and I suffered postpartum depression.
Very, very bad postpartum depression.
I would tell myself over and over that all would be better in five years.
In five years, when the kids were out of colic and not fighting so fiercely, all would be better.
And here I am these days, telling myself that in five years, when my sons are older, things will be better…
In regards to the University, I like it here. I want to continue teaching here, whether it’s full time or part time.
I want to help our students succeed because I know how hard it is for them because I’ve lived that insane balance of raising a family, caring for loved ones, and maintaining a job.
I want to make our curriculum meet our students’ needs because so many just don’t see how important writing is to their success.
I want to help them learn that, see that, for the next five years and farther.
So that should sum up how the interview went this week. I didn’t have many professional, verbose, academic answers for them.
Just a lot of heart.
Maybe that’s enough. Maybe not. No matter what, I’ve done my best and will continue to do my best. With the love of my family and dear friends like you, I won’t stop running with the wind, leaping as a wild child, never quite grown up, never quite done learning. And always ready to share that magic with others.
In the meantime, Bo’s ready to pour a glass of wine for me tonight because dammit, it’s been a long week, and I’ve already cheated the Whole30 code anyway.
Thank you for sticking it out with me, my friends. x
Oh! I finally got my newsletter out this afternoon, including a sneak peek at Fallen Princeborn: Chosen. Check it out!
Noooooow it’s time for that wine. 🙂
Jean Lee's World 
Enjoy your well earned wine. That sounds like a mighty fine response. Better than mine. Last time I was asked that I foolishly asked a clarification – was that 5 years exactly so it would be an afternoon or was it the morning in 5 years or evening. Not getting my attempt at sarcasm, they just moved onto the next question. So your answer is a belter.
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Oh dear. Yeah, sarcasm rarely works in the panel, last I checked. Tears seem to work–could be because I’m a woman, though. 🙂
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🍷
Here’s to you!
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Thank you!
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Cheers 🍷
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Reblogged this on lampmagician and commented:
Heart-touching, Thank you Jean ❤
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‘Heart-touching’ says it all. That’s all.
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🙂🙏💖
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Too kind, you are. 🙂 xxxxx
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And I thank you, kind friend, for sharing. x
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❤ ❤
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Definitely time for that wine, you deserve a break! It seems to me like you’ve been following this crazy diet as well as any normal human can be expected to. You set yourself up for guilt and negativity if you focus only on the times you “cheated” and not on all the times that you succeeded in trying something new and difficult. Life is not a dichotomy between 100% perfect and loser. ❤
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Dammit, now I’m going to cry again! But it’s a good thing, really, because you’re right. There’s only so much pressure one can take on, and a life of absolutes is nigh impossible…not to mention boring.
And you also remind me I need to write my last day’s reflection… 🙂
Thanks again for the encouragement, Friend!
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Somehow I find it easier — obvious, even — to come up with supportive advice for a friend who is clearly just not giving herself enough of a break. But do I ever think to say the same things to myself? Well, now that I just wrote it, I have to listen, don’t I? 🙂 So it’s win-win. ❤
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LMAO! You got me laughing after putting the kids to bed! How dare you! (goes on laughing anyway)
But ain’t it the truth? Following our own advice has to be one the bloodiestly (new word!) hard things we gotta do.
So I hope you’re allowing yourself some wine. 🙂
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I did take a nice long break last night, yes! But now: back to work…
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(sigh) indeed….
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Sometimes heart is all you need. You’re awesome, Jean. I hope you don’t forget it and enjoy that glass of wine!
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I won’t, and I did, thank you so much! 🙂 xxxxx
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Urg! That’s a really crass question! You can’t be the only person who would find it an emotional challenge to answer… In the meantime – I hope you REALLY enjoyed your glass of wine, my friend:) You surely deserved it!
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Ugh, thanks. At least I know one person on the panel would understand, being a mom of two little ones herself.
And I enjoyed the hell out of that wine! 🙂
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I missed seeing this post. I’m sure it went better than you think. They are human-beings too, aren’t they?
Facing a panel sounds hard – I only ever have to discuss that kind of question with a line-manager, and it’s a tough one. Apart from anything else, at no point have I ever looked back and thought, ‘yep, this is just where I expected to be five years ago!’
Which doesn’t mean I don’t have goals. I’m forever setting them, and working towards them. So often though, things come into my orbit that shift them – they can be negative, neutral, positive or somewhere in-between those things, and sometimes I can’t judge which until after the event.
You are a working published writer and raiser of a delightful family, who wants to share your experiences. I’m sure they recognised that.
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Ah, thank you! You’re so right that the goals need to be shifting. The world changes, after all, as do we.
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